The Merits of Gin

Pissed again. Beats hell out of painting the letterbox.

I'd almost forgotten the merits of gin, tonic and bitters.
However, since I forgot to lock the back door 3 times in 5 days, I don't s'pose it gets much stupider .

 May as well get rat-arsed and enjoy myself.

Failing that, I'll listen to Matinee Idle and maybe take a wee nap.

ANOTHER BAD MEMORY INCIDENT

I came to the computer to do something on the internet.
All I know is it wasn't my emails, it wasn't Facebook and it wasn't to do this.
I think I'll lock all the doors, put the TV on to watch tennis and I drink whiskey.
In quantity.

After all, what's it matter is the brain is already mush  !

The Awful Thing!

It's Terrible.  As you know, I was writing this saga for a bit but unfortunately, I couldn't remember how to get into my blogs after I got the new computer and mislaid all my bookmarks. It all necessitated clearing cookies, trying every email sign in I ever owned and ignoring all those wee notices that are too small to read about runtime errors, mismatches of data, etc.

Well, I'm here now so I'll get started.

We all know I've become a tad forgetful about many things in life but today I've suffered the ultimate memory betrayal.  I might never get over this one!

I've been tidying up and had a whole drawer of laundered handkerchiefs that I never iron.  In fact, I haven't ironed anything at all for around 35 years.  No, dear friends, this is not a typo. I hate ironing with a passion. I don't mind looking a tad rumply. It's other people who seem to get all flushed about this. 

But, yesterday, my brain said "Wouldn't it be nice if these hankies were ironed and folded into wee squares that will fit ever-so-neatly in the drawer."  Then it continued,  "If you look in the wardrobe there are 4 blouses and those nice capri pants that would look much more chic all smoothed out."

I must now be completely soft in the head since I was persuaded...

I found the iron in the back of the storage cupboard and spent some time taking the dust out of those wee holes.  Then I cleaned the ironing board, which had even thicker grime and took quite some time to make pristine. Of course, the surface had perished or whatever they do over 35 years, so I had to go and buy another one and figure out how to attach it. 

 pix by theurbanraptor



So finally I'm good to go.  Now this is the horror of it all.....

      I CAN STILL REMEMBER HOW TO IRON !!!

                           PERFECTLY!!!

I know where to start, which bit to do in the middle and what to do last. 

Considering all the wonderful things I've probably forgotten, I can't believe that snake-in-the-grass brain would remember ironing.

 I shudder to think what it will come up with next.




 

ON INSTANT COFFEE MAKING

Spot the fundamental error!

 
1. Fill electric jug with cold water
2. Put the coffee and non-dairy creamer in the mug
3. Pour the water into the mug and stir

EUREKA - I'VE FOUND IT!

I'm having a sane patch! Since my friend sent me an electronic thing finder, life is a breeze. Never again will I lose my keys or my purse! It's wonderful!!!

I gardened - the ground is like rock even though it is only October. Mysteriously, a deep cut has appeared on my middle finger and a big bruise on my wrist.  Tomorrow, I'm going to the garden centre. It's my version of Fatal Attraction. 

The Cecille Brunner climbing rose attacked me. I was running my fingers through my hair in the evening while lying in bed reading my favourite genre - the crime novel, when I came across a large thorn embedded in my skull. Roses can be so mean!

I've moved on in my home decorating. I started with the conservatory so there is stuff from there everywhere.  Then I moved on to the kitchen, so that stuff is everywhere.  Now I'm onto the bathroom.  Need I say more!

I could even mention the exterios wall that has needed a 2nd coat of paint since last fall and the she doors that need coat 3 since coat 2 looks patchy. Actually, the list just goes on and on so I won't bore you with it.

It's just so tedious to start a job and finish it before moving to the next one.

Also, the older you get, the less you care!

LOST IN TRANSIT

I went to book group. I got most of the way there and had a brainfart. Decided I had somehow passed the road so turned around and went back a bit. Then decided I hadn’t passed the road so turned around again and proceeded without further incident. 

Considering that I have been there several times before and know quite well where the road is, I have decided the temporary lull in the daily stupidity was due to inaction.

I made up for it by having 2 whole conversations with someone about an email I had sent that had not arrived.

After I got home I worked it out that I hadn’t sent this person any email at all and the person I should have been talking to was absent from our meeting.

One of my friends recently told me I wasn't going senile, I just was a bit distracted. And she should know as she was a psychiatric nurse for years!

I shall put this episode down to the pain in my backside and the prospect of surgery.

SOMEWHERE THERE'S A PIECE OF CHEESE!

I've been almost totally normal lately! Probably due to lying about with my leg propped up to fix the damage that stool did to me. A month later and I'm still popping antibiotics.
And to add to my woes, SCIATICA!  2 collapsed discs and the forecast of osteo arthritis to come. 
None of it makes good reading but what the heck.

I must be better since I've lost the cheese.
I thought Id take my pill, which has to go with food. So I cut a bit of cheese.
Then I saw it was too early to medicate.
Now my dear friend in Chicago friend phoned me - now this is a treat as we hadn't chatted in months.
I knew it was her because the first 3 times the phone went and no-one was there. This only happens with her calls!  Anyway 4th time lucky.

I forgot about the pills until it was 90 minutes past pill time.
The cheese is still out there someplace! 
I gave up looking and cut another piece. 

STILL OUT OF ACTION!

2 weeks after the stool incident and I'm still laid up and eating antibiotics.

This probably accounts for the marked drop in 'senior moments'....

I spent 25 minutes looking for my watch, then pulled my sleeve up...

I carefully took my handbag from the car to the house and totally forgot about the groceries.

I went out wearing my glasses.  This is excellent since I forget to take them with me sometimes. However, I over-egged the pudding by wearing another pair on a string around my neck. 

Apart from this, it's all good!

LEFT BEHIND

I managed to take home everything I needed from a house I've been helping to clear out - those people on Hoarders TV programs are amateurs!

I remembered my handbag - just forgot to pick up the book under it. A book that isn't mine, but everyone at book group raved about it so I borrowed it. One lady's husband has even started writing a novel because he read this book.

It's Stephen King's "On Writing"

 Sure hope it isn't chucked out before I can get back there!

Otherwise I guess I'll be searching the internet to buy another one.

I decided my last few days did not quite fit the criteria of senior daftness.

I stubbed my little toe – the one I broke in a similar incident and still can’t wear court shoes!

I forgot to defrost the cat's meat for 2 days in a row.

I lost my keys but only for a few minutes so that doesn't qualify.

Even today’s wee accident isn't strictly senior – more like sheer stupidity! Though I’m sure that I still believe my body will do things it used to do but now has become willfully unco-operative at times.

You wouldn't want to see my leg instead of this one, would you now!

Having exchanged goods between the attic and the main dwelling, I had to shut the trapdoor. Usually I stand on a wooden chair but I've recently had spinal disc problem so couldn't climb on it as it is a bit high. So I stood on the stool.  Now the stool was a bit far away from the catch so I put one foot on the bed. The stool veered to the right and I started to do the splits before being unceremoniously dumped on the floor. The stool then jabbed me in the leg making spectacular bruises all down my leg.

Well, I lay on the floor for a bit before deciding I wasn't broken, just bruised and proceeded to the kitchen to drink whiskey.  Yes, I did the Rest, Ice and Elevation thing and eventually went to Accident and Emergency. Just to be sure, you understand. They put on a compression bandage and recommended I drink some gin and put my feet up.  

You know doctors have a real handle on things when they recommend gin – every orthopod I've ever consulted recommends it!

LOST LUNCHES, LOST PRESETS & THE SPEEDING CAT

After the muddle with the days yesterday, things went quite well. Except I left my today's lunch in a fridge no-one will be revisiting until next Monday. But anyone can do that!

I’m sure it takes special skill to be really daft and I thought dusting the radio/cd/mp3 player and wiping out all the presets doesn't really qualify. Especially since I have done this several times now and still have not figured out exactly how it happens. Must be a Sony design fault! 

I suppose I’ll just have to sit down and reprogram it yet again but at least I wrote down the numbers for my favourite stations after the 2^nd time so I’m getting smarter. You have to get sneaky and devious sometimes. 

Nanki Poo shot out the front door light greased lightning when I came home but he does things like that. 

Later I found I that I had shut the cat door and both cats were inside for 5 hours with no litter box. 

So that explains the rush.

It’s only 4.30pm but I’m anticipating that I've filled my quota today!

ALL DRESSED UP AND NO PLACE TO GO

I got today’s spot of daftness out of the way early.

Having spent the night dreaming of having to take the cat to the vet at the hospital and only being able to find every other cat in the neighbourhood, intermingled with being part of a female dance troop on a large ship, I awoke early.

I remembered that I’d said I’d go to the mall for coffee to see Jenny’s new teeth and to meet with another friend who is going on holiday. They walk at the Mallfit group on Tuesdays and Thursdays and we meet for coffee afterwards if I manage to get up in time. 

I think 8.30 is a nice time to wake up and walking group starts at 7.15, so this doesn't happen that often.

I had instant fruity rolled oats instead of my usual cooked breakfast so as to be on time (almost). I was very organised – fed the cats, collected up the gear for some gardening at another friend’s house and got in the car.

As I stopped to clear the mailbox, along came the rubbish collection truck. 

“That’s funny” I thought. “The rubbish comes on Wednesday and it wasn't a public holiday on Monday. I’m to meet my friends on Thursday”.

The penny finally dropped. 

THE KEYS AT THE FAR END OF THE UNIVERSE

Today it was the keys turn.  Despite knowing they must be indoors someplace, I still went out and opened the garage door to see if the car was there.

It was, of course.

Alot of things get tidied up while looking for keys, so in some ways it is most beneficial. And since I am taking healthy doses of the Mother’s Little Helpers, (doctor prescribed naturally, since I’m not young and silly anymore!), I don’t get half so agitated now.

But, I ask you, who would think of looking for keys on the shelf at the far end of the bath?

THE IMPORTANCE OF SEEING ONE'S TOES

It is some years since middle-age spread transformed my sylph-like figure into a shapeless blob.  I put up some futile resistance then gave up the fight. 

I’ve thrown out the bathroom scales.  There seems little point in depressing oneself when so many other things in life can do it for you. 

Recently it seems very important to be able to see my toes. 

I stand in the shower sucking in my waist and peering down. I think I’m a smidgen thinner today as I can see not only all the toes but at least 1/3^rd of each foot!

Or maybe it’s just that I can suck my middle in further.

THE GOOD NEWS>>>

Most middle-age days are a mix of good and bad, the good far outweighing the bad but the bad can be so pestiferous!

My Coffee Escapes!

Today’s bad news is that the thermos full of coffee fell over in my bag while I was driving the car and a great deal of liquid came out.

Good news! I had put it in a supermarket plastic bag that miraculously did not have a hole in it so it did now spill out and drown my cell phone and Kindle! 

Great portions of life seem to involve either looking for the phone or looking for the keys. 

I  spent 20 minutes looking and not finding  the phone because I had carefully put it in the bag yesterday so I would not forget it...   Well, I didn't forget it, did I - another triumph  lol.

The Great Frozen Roast Dinner Hunt

I can't be bothered cooking every day.  I make food in batches and freeze it in dinner-sized containers with no labels. Once upon a time I wrote on the bags but now I just hope.  Mostly this method works but occasionally I wind up eating frozen stewed apple instead of casserole. 
C'est la vie.

Today I spend a good half hour looking for a frozen meal.  I was sure I removed it from the freezer and put it on the bench, but later in the day, I couldn't find it anywhere. Yikes!  I has visions of the dinner defrosting - the smell - the stained carpet or furniture - the knowledge that it was somewhere rapidly decaying.  

I searched and searched but nowhere did I find.


Eventually it came to me.....

In the morning I had stared into the freezer for a while, fingering a nice roast. But then decided that I would leave the frozen meal until next time I was feeling tired at the end of the day and wanted something quick. 

It makes a change from losing my keys!

KIDS, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!

Last weekend a friend of mine did some tree chopping. Let’s call her Jenny. She’s a few years older than me.

We’ll first flash back to before Christmas to where the tree felling was held up somewhat by her falling off the ladder. Jenny’s feet were about 8” up the ladder. (That’s about ceiling height in most modern homes!).

Luckily Jenny fell flat on her back, managing to prevent the ladder and tools from falling upon her and avoiding falling in the garden waste bag. After a week in hospital plus some months recovery time, the story jumps to the present.

The debris is now a size that could be cut with loppers and put in the garden waste bag. The bag is a large hessian arrangement on a metal frame - about waist height.  However, it was filling to fast so Jenny decided to climb into the bag and jump up and down to compact the clippings. Well, one does, doesn't one? Apart from anything, it's fun!

Jenny was jumping with such enthusiasm that the bag toppled down the slight grassy slope, ejecting her. With a final flourish, the bag pushed her down a wee drop onto the concrete, breaking her new glasses and badly grazing her arm. When I saw her, she was sporting several bits of sticking plaster and a real beaut shiner.

When out walking, women looked at her with understanding and sympathy while men looked embarrassed and looked away. Such is the frequency of domestic violence in our genteel society. (or so the news media would have us believe anyway).

That’s a thing with aging.  The mind is still young and vigorous but alas, the body isn't on the same page.